Over dinner on a recent spring evening, Rachel Green listened patiently as her friend droned on about needing a permanent job. Then she erupted.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re about to buy an apartment with your long-term boyfriend,\u201d 24-year-old Green reminded her companion. \u201cMeanwhile, I\u2019ve just come out of a six-month situationship.\u201d<\/p>\n
Gen Z came of age in a swipe-right world, where instant access to dates further blurred the lines between friendships, hookups and full-fledged relationships. The loose nature of these situationships, romantic entanglements that exist somewhere between friendship and fidelity, was meant to limit fallout and maybe even help couples take baby steps toward commitment.<\/p>
Dating in such a gray area has instead left many in the dark, especially when things fall apart. And zoomers have just about had enough of situationships, which they say are marked by a sense of confusion and rejection that extends long after they\u2019re supposedly over.<\/p>\n
Green and the man she was in a situationship with had stayed at each other\u2019s apartments, eaten together in restaurants and met each other\u2019s friends. But they didn\u2019t celebrate relationship milestones or go on vacation together, because that would have removed the spontaneity.<\/p>\n
\u201cThere\u2019s a feeling of constant rejection throughout the situationship because one person does not want to fully commit\u2014otherwise it would become a relationship,\u201d said Green, who lives in London. \u201cBut the adrenaline and sense of reward when it is going well can be addictive.\u201d<\/p>\n
Excitement also drew Daniel Robison into a situationship at 25. \u201cThe places we went to were flashy. His friends were cool,\u201d the millennial Atlanta-based filmmaker recalled.<\/p>\n
Daniel Robison says the flashy illusion of his situationship eventually faded.<\/p>\n
Eventually, the illusion faded. \u201cPart of the chemistry was just running on guessing fumes,\u201d he said.<\/p>
After years of burying his feelings, Robison decided it was time to leave the situationship behind after the pair went out for dinner and he was expected to split the bill. \u201cI wanted him to take care of me,\u201d Robison said.<\/p>\n
Now, he says, his dating life isn\u2019t nearly as lively, but it\u2019s gotten a lot more intentional. \u201cI am no longer offering myself in half-portions,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
From the courtly rituals of the Gilded Age to the speakeasy romances of the Roaring \u201920s and the free love movement of the \u201960s, dating norms are always evolving. But one theme has taken hold in modern life: the decline of romantic commitments earlier in life. A 2023 report by the Survey Center on American Life<\/a> found that only 56 percent of Gen Z adults had a boyfriend or girlfriend during their teen years, compared with 69 percent of millennials, 76 percent of Generation X and 78 percent of baby boomers.<\/p>\n For some, the shift away from traditional relationships has been a positive choice. Evie Heathcock, a university student in the U.K., entered several situationships during her time living abroad.<\/p> \u201cNot every connection has to be with a soul mate or last forever,\u201d she said. \u201cSometimes you have a situation that works well for that moment in your lives, but you know that you wouldn\u2019t be compatible long term.\u201d<\/p>\n But the ambiguous nature of dating today means that some Gen Z daters don\u2019t understand their status themselves.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m often the one to tell one of my clients or audience that they\u2019re even in a situationship,\u201d said Abby Medcalf, a psychologist and relationship expert based in Berkeley, Calif.<\/p>\n She noted that so much of what young people do, including dating, is plagued by fear and anxiety. When people act on feelings instead of logic, they end up\u2014consciously or unconsciously\u2014feeling something unwanted: lonely, bored, rejected, sad or abandoned. \u201cThey reach out to this uncertain thing that\u2019s like cotton candy\u2014lots to see on the outside but it definitely doesn\u2019t fill you up if you were hungry,\u201d Medcalf said.<\/p>\n Grace Elmore, a senior at Cornell University, spent three months trapped in what she dubbed an \u201cemotional-codependency situationship.\u201d<\/p>\n After the end of a situationship, Grace Elmore realized there\u2019s no painless way out of such a vaguely defined relationship.<\/p> She was fresh out of a long-term relationship, and the man she was seeing said he was too. What started out as a quick fix for her loneliness developed into emotional attachment. She wanted more. He didn\u2019t; it turned out he had a girlfriend who was living abroad.<\/p>\n Looking back, Elmore says there is no outcome where both parties emerge unscathed.<\/p>\n \u201cSituationships exist on a sliding scale between two mindsets: you\u2019re either in the situationship purely for sex but not looking for emotional attachment, or you want emotional intimacy but not sex,\u201d she said. \u201cIf you\u2019re looking for both\u2014news flash!\u2014you\u2019re actually just looking for a relationship but don\u2019t want to call it that.\u201d<\/p>\n Even experts get caught off guard by how sticky situationships can be.<\/p>\n Julie Nguyen, who works as a love coach in Los Angeles, endured a tortured end to a situationship when she turned 30.<\/p>\n \u201cWe never talked about our feelings or even when we\u2019d see each other next because we were so caught up having fun,\u201d Nguyen said of the mathematician she had been seeing.<\/p>\n When it ended, she had no closure or clarity. Just a lingering question: What were we?<\/p>\n Julie Nguyen, a love coach in Los Angeles, says it\u2019s important to set clear intentions and have honest conversations.<\/p> Now, Nguyen recognizes the importance of entering a situationship with clear intentions. \u201cIf you start developing deeper feelings, don\u2019t shy away from having an honest conversation about where you stand,\u201d she said. \u201cEven if it risks losing the connection, your emotional clarity and self-respect matter more.\u201d<\/p>\n Some Gen Z daters are leaving casual behind altogether, turning to matchmaking, speed dating and more intentional options instead. Erika Kaplan, a dating coach and matchmaker based in Los Angeles, said more singles \u201cwant to cut out the noise and connect with people who have shrewd goals from the start.\u201d<\/p>\n Gabi Conti, a millennial author, spent all of her 20s in a situationship. \u201cI called him \u2018the guy I always went back to,\u2019 \u201d she said. \u201cIt wasn\u2019t until I was in my first real adult relationship with someone who proudly called me his girlfriend, introduced me to his parents and asked me to move in with him that I saw my situationship for what it really was: A fantasy.\u201d<\/p>\n As for Green, fresh from her own situationship, she says she\u2019s done with them. \u201cWanna put my number at the bottom?\u201d she suggested. \u201cIn case someone wants to help me never get into one again.\u201d<\/p>\n This article originally appeared on WSJ.com<\/a>.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n