{"id":61769,"date":"2023-09-11T10:03:42","date_gmt":"2023-09-11T14:03:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.familytoday.com\/?p=61769"},"modified":"2023-09-11T08:24:20","modified_gmt":"2023-09-11T12:24:20","slug":"what-non-monogamy-actually-is-and-isnt-according-to-non-monogamous-people","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.familytoday.com\/relationships\/what-non-monogamy-actually-is-and-isnt-according-to-non-monogamous-people\/","title":{"rendered":"What Non-Monogamy Actually is (and isn\u2019t), According to Non-Monogamous People"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class=\"primary-cli cli cli-text \">\n<p>Non-monogamy has been practiced in some circles\u00a0<a class=\" js-entry-link cet-external-link\" role=\"link\" href=\"https:\/\/www.psychologytoday.com\/us\/blog\/the-polyamorists-next-door\/202204\/select-history-consensual-nonmonogamies-in-the-us\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" data-vars-item-name=\"for a long time\" data-vars-item-type=\"text\" data-vars-unit-name=\"64e91200e4b07541e76f6012\" data-vars-unit-type=\"buzz_body\" data-vars-target-content-id=\"https:\/\/www.psychologytoday.com\/us\/blog\/the-polyamorists-next-door\/202204\/select-history-consensual-nonmonogamies-in-the-us\" data-vars-target-content-type=\"url\" data-vars-type=\"web_external_link\" data-vars-subunit-name=\"article_body\" data-vars-subunit-type=\"component\" data-vars-position-in-subunit=\"0\">for a long time<\/a>, but recently, there\u2019s been more curiosity about the topic.<\/p><div class=\"ad ad-container visible-xs-block\" style=\"height: 330px !important;\">\n    <div class=\"ad-label alt-text alt-pos-above\"><\/div>\n\t<div id=\"div-gpt-ad-mob_prem1_mid-0\" class=\"DFPAdSlot\"><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"ad ad-container hidden-xs offset\" style=\"height: 680px !important;width: 300px !important;\">\n    <div class=\"ad-label\"><\/div>\n\t<div id=\"div-gpt-ad-dt_btf_inarticle1-1\" class=\"DFPAdSlot\"><\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"primary-cli cli cli-text \">\n<p>According to\u00a0<a class=\" js-entry-link cet-external-link\" role=\"link\" href=\"https:\/\/explodingtopics.com\/topic\/ethical-non-monogamy?period=12\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" data-vars-item-name=\"Google data\" data-vars-item-type=\"text\" data-vars-unit-name=\"64e91200e4b07541e76f6012\" data-vars-unit-type=\"buzz_body\" data-vars-target-content-id=\"https:\/\/explodingtopics.com\/topic\/ethical-non-monogamy?period=12\" data-vars-target-content-type=\"url\" data-vars-type=\"web_external_link\" data-vars-subunit-name=\"article_body\" data-vars-subunit-type=\"component\" data-vars-position-in-subunit=\"1\">Google data<\/a>, the term \u201cethical non-monogamy\u201d has seen more than a 250% increase in search traffic over the past year. A\u00a0<a class=\" js-entry-link cet-external-link\" role=\"link\" href=\"https:\/\/today.yougov.com\/topics\/society\/articles-reports\/2020\/01\/31\/millennials-monogamy-poly-poll-survey-data\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" data-vars-item-name=\"2020 YouGov poll\" data-vars-item-type=\"text\" data-vars-unit-name=\"64e91200e4b07541e76f6012\" data-vars-unit-type=\"buzz_body\" data-vars-target-content-id=\"https:\/\/today.yougov.com\/topics\/society\/articles-reports\/2020\/01\/31\/millennials-monogamy-poly-poll-survey-data\" data-vars-target-content-type=\"url\" data-vars-type=\"web_external_link\" data-vars-subunit-name=\"article_body\" data-vars-subunit-type=\"component\" data-vars-position-in-subunit=\"2\">2020 YouGov poll<\/a>\u00a0of 1,300 U.S. adults found that a third of respondents say their ideal relationship is non-monogamous to a degree. And\u00a0<a class=\" js-entry-link cet-external-link\" role=\"link\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tandfonline.com\/doi\/abs\/10.1080\/0092623X.2016.1178675?journalCode=usmt20\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" data-vars-item-name=\"more than 20% of single Americans \" data-vars-item-type=\"text\" data-vars-unit-name=\"64e91200e4b07541e76f6012\" data-vars-unit-type=\"buzz_body\" data-vars-target-content-id=\"https:\/\/www.tandfonline.com\/doi\/abs\/10.1080\/0092623X.2016.1178675?journalCode=usmt20\" data-vars-target-content-type=\"url\" data-vars-type=\"web_external_link\" data-vars-subunit-name=\"article_body\" data-vars-subunit-type=\"component\" data-vars-position-in-subunit=\"3\">more than 20% of single Americans\u00a0<\/a>have engaged in consensual non-monogamy at some point in their lives, per a 2017 study published in the Journal of Sex &amp; Marital Therapy.<\/p><div class=\"ad ad-container visible-xs-block\" style=\"height: 330px !important;\">\n    <div class=\"ad-label alt-text alt-pos-above\"><\/div>\n\t<div id=\"div-gpt-ad-mob_prem2_mid-2\" class=\"DFPAdSlot\"><\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n<div class=\"primary-cli cli cli-text \">\n<p>\u201cIt\u2019s not just a new fad,\u201d<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>polyamory educator\u00a0<a class=\" js-entry-link cet-external-link\" role=\"link\" href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/polyphiliablog\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" data-vars-item-name=\"Leanne Yau\" data-vars-item-type=\"text\" data-vars-unit-name=\"64e91200e4b07541e76f6012\" data-vars-unit-type=\"buzz_body\" data-vars-target-content-id=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/polyphiliablog\/\" data-vars-target-content-type=\"url\" data-vars-type=\"web_external_link\" data-vars-subunit-name=\"article_body\" data-vars-subunit-type=\"component\" data-vars-position-in-subunit=\"4\">Leanne Yau<\/a>\u00a0told HuffPost. \u201cPeople have been doing non-monogamy for a very long time. I think people are just talking about it more now.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"primary-cli cli cli-text \">\n<p>So what does it mean exactly? Non-monogamy is an umbrella term that encompasses various relationship styles that are not sexually and\/or romantically exclusive between two people.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"primary-cli cli cli-text \">\n<p><a class=\" js-entry-link cet-external-link\" role=\"link\" href=\"https:\/\/monogamish.substack.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" data-vars-item-name=\"Sarah Stroh\" data-vars-item-type=\"text\" data-vars-unit-name=\"64e91200e4b07541e76f6012\" data-vars-unit-type=\"buzz_body\" data-vars-target-content-id=\"https:\/\/monogamish.substack.com\/\" data-vars-target-content-type=\"url\" data-vars-type=\"web_external_link\" data-vars-subunit-name=\"article_body\" data-vars-subunit-type=\"component\" data-vars-position-in-subunit=\"5\">Sarah Stroh<\/a>, a non-monogamous writer and creator behind the\u00a0<a class=\" js-entry-link cet-external-link\" role=\"link\" href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/monogamish_me\/?hl=en\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" data-vars-item-name=\"@monogamish_me\" data-vars-item-type=\"text\" data-vars-unit-name=\"64e91200e4b07541e76f6012\" data-vars-unit-type=\"buzz_body\" data-vars-target-content-id=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/monogamish_me\/?hl=en\" data-vars-target-content-type=\"url\" data-vars-type=\"web_external_link\" data-vars-subunit-name=\"article_body\" data-vars-subunit-type=\"component\" data-vars-position-in-subunit=\"6\">@monogamish_me<\/a> Instagram account, described it to HuffPost as: \u201cAny relationship structure that is consensually and openly non-monogamous, meaning either \u2014 or more likely both \u2014 partners in a couple have romantic and\/or sexual contact with people other than each other.\u201d<\/p><div class=\"ad ad-container visible-xs-block\" style=\"height: 330px !important;\">\n    <div class=\"ad-label alt-text alt-pos-above\"><\/div>\n\t<div id=\"div-gpt-ad-mob_prem3_mid-3\" class=\"DFPAdSlot\"><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"ad ad-container hidden-xs offset\" style=\"height: 680px !important;width: 300px !important;\">\n    <div class=\"ad-label\"><\/div>\n\t<div id=\"div-gpt-ad-dt_btf_inarticle2-4\" class=\"DFPAdSlot\"><\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"primary-cli cli cli-text \">\n<p>You may have come across the term \u201cethical non-monogamy,\u201d sometimes referred to as \u201cENM.\u201d The word \u201cethical\u201d has been used to differentiate these kinds of relationships \u2014 where all parties have talked about and agreed to the arrangement \u2014 from ones where cheating is happening.<\/p>\n<div class=\"primary-cli cli cli-text \">\n<p>But some experts take issue with the term, said\u00a0<a class=\" js-entry-link cet-external-link\" role=\"link\" href=\"https:\/\/www.zacharyzane.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" data-vars-item-name=\"Zachary Zane\" data-vars-item-type=\"text\" data-vars-unit-name=\"64e91200e4b07541e76f6012\" data-vars-unit-type=\"buzz_body\" data-vars-target-content-id=\"https:\/\/www.zacharyzane.com\/\" data-vars-target-content-type=\"url\" data-vars-type=\"web_external_link\" data-vars-subunit-name=\"article_body\" data-vars-subunit-type=\"component\" data-vars-position-in-subunit=\"7\">Zachary Zane<\/a>, a sex columnist and sex expert for\u00a0<a class=\" js-entry-link cet-external-link\" role=\"link\" href=\"https:\/\/mailtrack.io\/trace\/link\/e33634824676862990ab089c6bbb3bad49eba2ad?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.archerapp.com%2F&amp;userId=8252162&amp;signature=92977da4544cb5d5\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" data-vars-item-name=\"Archer\" data-vars-item-type=\"text\" data-vars-unit-name=\"64e91200e4b07541e76f6012\" data-vars-unit-type=\"buzz_body\" data-vars-target-content-id=\"https:\/\/mailtrack.io\/trace\/link\/e33634824676862990ab089c6bbb3bad49eba2ad?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.archerapp.com%2F&amp;userId=8252162&amp;signature=92977da4544cb5d5\" data-vars-target-content-type=\"url\" data-vars-type=\"web_external_link\" data-vars-subunit-name=\"article_body\" data-vars-subunit-type=\"component\" data-vars-position-in-subunit=\"8\">Archer<\/a>, a new dating app for queer men. In his book \u201c<a class=\" js-entry-link cet-external-link\" role=\"link\" href=\"https:\/\/mailtrack.io\/trace\/link\/fb1f1bde4f5e7970998bb72f41d1acc4e2d5b381?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.amazon.com%2FBoyslut-Memoir-Manifesto-Zachary-Zane%2Fdp%2F1419764713&amp;userId=8252162&amp;signature=81ecf9a5e88c1e2b&amp;tag=kelseyborresen-20&amp;ascsubtag=64e91200e4b07541e76f6012%2C-1%2C-1%2Cd%2C0%2C0%2Chp-fil-am%3D0%2C1172%3A2%2C0%2C0%2C0\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" data-amazon-link=\"true\" data-vars-item-name=\"Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto\" data-vars-item-type=\"text\" data-vars-unit-name=\"64e91200e4b07541e76f6012\" data-vars-unit-type=\"buzz_body\" data-vars-target-content-id=\"https:\/\/mailtrack.io\/trace\/link\/fb1f1bde4f5e7970998bb72f41d1acc4e2d5b381?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.amazon.com%2FBoyslut-Memoir-Manifesto-Zachary-Zane%2Fdp%2F1419764713&amp;userId=8252162&amp;signature=81ecf9a5e88c1e2b&amp;tag=kelseyborresen-20&amp;ascsubtag=64e91200e4b07541e76f6012%2C-1%2C-1%2Cd%2C0%2C0%2Chp-fil-am%3D0%2C0%3A0%2C0%2C0%2C0\" data-vars-target-content-type=\"url\" data-vars-type=\"web_external_link\" data-vars-subunit-name=\"article_body\" data-vars-subunit-type=\"component\" data-vars-position-in-subunit=\"9\">Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto<\/a>,\u201d\u00a0he explains the pushback from researchers, educators and activists in the space about use of the word \u201cethical.\u201d<\/p><div class=\"ad ad-container visible-xs-block\" style=\"height: 330px !important;\">\n    <div class=\"ad-label alt-text alt-pos-above\"><\/div>\n\t<div id=\"div-gpt-ad-mob_prem4_mid-5\" class=\"DFPAdSlot\"><\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"primary-cli cli cli-text \">\n<p>\u201cThey don\u2019t like the term \u2018ethical\u2019 because it implies that non-monogamy is inherently unethical. Why else would you feel compelled to preface with \u2018ethical\u2019?\u201d he writes in the book.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"primary-cli cli cli-text \">\n<p>\u201cIt also holds non-monogamy to an unfair, higher standard than monogamy. Monogamous people constantly lie and cheat on their partners, and they don\u2019t have to preface their behaviors with [being] ethical or unethical, so why do non-monogamous folks? Then, of course, many ENM relationships are not ethical. You can absolutely still be a piece of shit even when practicing ENM.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"primary-cli cli cli-text \">\n<p>Instead, many people prefer terms like \u201cconsensual non-monogamy\u201d (CNM) or just \u201cnon-monogamy.\u201d<\/p>\n<h2>There are four main types of non-monogamous relationships.<\/h2>\n<div class=\"primary-cli cli cli-text \">\n<p>Some of the common relationship structures that fall under the non-monogamous umbrella include monogamish, swinging, open relationships and polyamory.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"primary-cli cli cli-text \">\n<p>\u201cThings can be very fluid between them, but broadly, I see them falling into four types,\u201d Yau said.<\/p><div class=\"ad ad-container visible-xs-block\" style=\"height: 330px !important;\">\n    <div class=\"ad-label alt-text alt-pos-above\"><\/div>\n\t<div id=\"div-gpt-ad-mob_prem5_mid-6\" class=\"DFPAdSlot\"><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"ad ad-container hidden-xs offset\" style=\"height: 680px !important;width: 300px !important;\">\n    <div class=\"ad-label\"><\/div>\n\t<div id=\"div-gpt-ad-dt_btf_inarticle3-7\" class=\"DFPAdSlot\"><\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"primary-cli cli cli-text \">\n<p><strong>Monogamish\u00a0<\/strong>is a term that was coined by sex and relationships writer and podcast host Dan Savage, and refers to a predominantly monogamous relationship in which \u201csexual activity outside the relationship is seen as the exception rather than the norm,\u201d Yau said.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"primary-cli cli cli-text \">\n<p><strong>\u201cSo, that might look like having a threesome on special occasions, or occasionally going to a sex party. Or if there\u2019s a kink that you want to explore, telling your partner and then finding someone to indulge that with,\u201d she explained.<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"primary-cli cli cli-text \">\n<p><strong>Swinging\u00a0<\/strong>is when couples have sexual experiences with multiple partners, typically (but not always) as a unit. It often involves swapping partners or engaging in group sex, among\u00a0<a class=\" js-entry-link cet-external-link\" role=\"link\" href=\"https:\/\/www.menshealth.com\/sex-women\/a38278676\/what-is-a-hotwife\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" data-vars-item-name=\"other types of sexual play\" data-vars-item-type=\"text\" data-vars-unit-name=\"64e91200e4b07541e76f6012\" data-vars-unit-type=\"buzz_body\" data-vars-target-content-id=\"https:\/\/www.menshealth.com\/sex-women\/a38278676\/what-is-a-hotwife\/\" data-vars-target-content-type=\"url\" data-vars-type=\"web_external_link\" data-vars-subunit-name=\"article_body\" data-vars-subunit-type=\"component\" data-vars-position-in-subunit=\"10\">other types of sexual play<\/a>.<\/p><div class=\"ad ad-container visible-xs-block\" style=\"height: 330px !important;\">\n    <div class=\"ad-label alt-text alt-pos-above\"><\/div>\n\t<div id=\"div-gpt-ad-mob_prem6_mid-8\" class=\"DFPAdSlot\"><\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"primary-cli cli cli-text \">\n<p>\u201cSwinging is something that couples do together, as in they sleep with other people together, and they engage with other singles and\/or couples. So that might look like threesomes, foursomes, orgies, sex parties, that kind of thing,\u201d said Yau, noting that the term \u201cswinger\u201d\u00a0<a class=\" js-entry-link cet-external-link\" role=\"link\" href=\"https:\/\/www.texasmonthly.com\/being-texan\/texas-swingers-clubs-booming\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" data-vars-item-name=\"has fallen out of favor\" data-vars-item-type=\"text\" data-vars-unit-name=\"64e91200e4b07541e76f6012\" data-vars-unit-type=\"buzz_body\" data-vars-target-content-id=\"https:\/\/www.texasmonthly.com\/being-texan\/texas-swingers-clubs-booming\/\" data-vars-target-content-type=\"url\" data-vars-type=\"web_external_link\" data-vars-subunit-name=\"article_body\" data-vars-subunit-type=\"component\" data-vars-position-in-subunit=\"11\">has fallen out of favor<\/a>\u00a0to a degree. Some people, especially those in younger generations, may prefer to say they\u2019re\u00a0<a class=\" js-entry-link cet-external-link\" role=\"link\" href=\"https:\/\/repeller.com\/swinging-in-the-lifestyle-sex\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" data-vars-item-name=\"part of \u201cthe lifestyle\u201d instead\" data-vars-item-type=\"text\" data-vars-unit-name=\"64e91200e4b07541e76f6012\" data-vars-unit-type=\"buzz_body\" data-vars-target-content-id=\"https:\/\/repeller.com\/swinging-in-the-lifestyle-sex\/\" data-vars-target-content-type=\"url\" data-vars-type=\"web_external_link\" data-vars-subunit-name=\"article_body\" data-vars-subunit-type=\"component\" data-vars-position-in-subunit=\"12\">part of \u201cthe lifestyle\u201d instead<\/a>.<\/p><div class=\"ad ad-container visible-xs-block\" style=\"height: 330px !important;\">\n    <div class=\"ad-label alt-text alt-pos-above\"><\/div>\n\t<div id=\"div-gpt-ad-mob_prem7_mid-9\" class=\"DFPAdSlot\"><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"ad ad-container hidden-xs offset\" style=\"height: 680px !important;width: 300px !important;\">\n    <div class=\"ad-label\"><\/div>\n\t<div id=\"div-gpt-ad-dt_btf_inarticle4-10\" class=\"DFPAdSlot\"><\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n<div class=\"primary-cli cli cli-text \">\n<p>An\u00a0<strong>open relationship<\/strong>\u00a0is typically one that is sexually non-monogamous, but romantically monogamous. (Previously, however, people used the term as a catch-all to describe any non-monogamous relationship, Yau noted.)<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"primary-cli cli cli-text \">\n<p>\u201cSo when someone says that they are in an open relationship, I take that to mean that they are only romantically dating one person, but both of them can have casual sex with other people, either separately or together, on the side,\u201d Yau said.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"primary-cli cli cli-text \">\n<p><strong>Polyamory\u00a0<\/strong>is the only form of non-monogamy \u201cwhere you not only have sexual non-exclusivity, but also romantic non-exclusivity,\u201d Yau said. In other words, you\u2019re part of\u00a0<a class=\" js-entry-link cet-external-link\" role=\"link\" href=\"https:\/\/www.polyphilia.blog\/faq\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" data-vars-item-name=\"multiple loving relationships\" data-vars-item-type=\"text\" data-vars-unit-name=\"64e91200e4b07541e76f6012\" data-vars-unit-type=\"buzz_body\" data-vars-target-content-id=\"https:\/\/www.polyphilia.blog\/faq\" data-vars-target-content-type=\"url\" data-vars-type=\"web_external_link\" data-vars-subunit-name=\"article_body\" data-vars-subunit-type=\"component\" data-vars-position-in-subunit=\"13\">multiple loving relationships<\/a>\u00a0at the same time. This stands in contrast to the other non-monogamous relationships described above in which everything outside of the primary relationship is \u201ckept strictly sexual or casual, however you define that,\u201d Yau explained.<\/p><div class=\"ad ad-container visible-xs-block\" style=\"height: 330px !important;\">\n    <div class=\"ad-label alt-text alt-pos-above\"><\/div>\n\t<div id=\"div-gpt-ad-mob_prem8_mid-11\" class=\"DFPAdSlot\"><\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"primary-cli cli cli-text \">\n<p>While there still may be\u00a0<a class=\" js-entry-link cet-external-link\" role=\"link\" href=\"https:\/\/www.readyforpolyamory.com\/post\/guest-post-is-there-a-problem-with-hierarchy\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" data-vars-item-name=\"some hierarchy within certain polyamorous relationships\" data-vars-item-type=\"text\" data-vars-unit-name=\"64e91200e4b07541e76f6012\" data-vars-unit-type=\"buzz_body\" data-vars-target-content-id=\"https:\/\/www.readyforpolyamory.com\/post\/guest-post-is-there-a-problem-with-hierarchy\" data-vars-target-content-type=\"url\" data-vars-type=\"web_external_link\" data-vars-subunit-name=\"article_body\" data-vars-subunit-type=\"component\" data-vars-position-in-subunit=\"14\">some hierarchy within certain polyamorous relationships<\/a>, \u201cit\u2019s the one type where there isn\u2019t necessarily a focus on a primary romantic relationship,\u201d Yau said.<\/p>\n<h2>Many common assumptions about non-monogamy aren\u2019t true.<\/h2>\n<div class=\"primary-cli cli cli-text \">\n<p>Non-monogamy may be gaining traction but is still very much at odds with our monogamous cultural norms. Stigma and misunderstandings about these types of relationships persist. One common misconception: Non-monogamous relationships aren\u2019t serious or lasting.<\/p><div class=\"ad ad-container visible-xs-block\" style=\"height: 330px !important;\">\n    <div class=\"ad-label alt-text alt-pos-above\"><\/div>\n\t<div id=\"div-gpt-ad-mob_prem9_mid-12\" class=\"DFPAdSlot\"><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"ad ad-container hidden-xs offset\" style=\"height: 680px !important;width: 300px !important;\">\n    <div class=\"ad-label\"><\/div>\n\t<div id=\"div-gpt-ad-dt_btf_inarticle5-13\" class=\"DFPAdSlot\"><\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"primary-cli cli cli-text \">\n<p>\u201cMy partner of over three years and I are non-monogamous and expecting a child in January,\u201d Stroh said. \u201cNon-monogamy is not just a phase or a structure for people who want something casual.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"primary-cli cli cli-text \">\n<p>Zane echoed a similar sentiment: \u201cThere\u2019s this notion that ENM, specifically polyamory, isn\u2019t sustainable long-term, meaning eventually, you and your partner(s) will break up,\u201d he said. \u201cNeedless to say, that isn\u2019t the case. There are poly folks who\u2019ve been with their partners for decades.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"primary-cli cli cli-text \">\n<p>Some people mistakenly believe non-monogamy is cheating, which it's not. In non-monogamous relationships, everyone should be aware, engaged and \u201centhusiastically participating,\u201d Yau said. Honest communication, established guidelines and recurring check-ins are foundational here, just as they are in any healthy relationship.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"primary-cli cli cli-text \">\n<p>\u201cNon-monogamous relationships, just like monogamous relationships, require that everyone be aware and consenting,\u201d Yau said. \u201cIt\u2019s not the same as going behind someone else\u2019s back and just kind of doing your own thing and having multiple partners without anyone knowing.\u201d<\/p><div class=\"ad ad-container visible-xs-block\" style=\"height: 330px !important;\">\n    <div class=\"ad-label alt-text alt-pos-above\"><\/div>\n\t<div id=\"div-gpt-ad-mob_prem10plus_mid-14\" class=\"DFPAdSlot\"><\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n<div class=\"primary-cli cli cli-text \">\n<p>Another common misconception is that non-monogamy is just a last-ditch effort for couples trying to save their marriage.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"primary-cli cli cli-text \">\n<p>\u201cOf course, there are some folks who do attempt ENM as their relationship is failing, and the vast majority of the time, it does not save the relationship,\u201d Zane said. \u201cBut that\u2019s not the majority of folks who are ENM.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"primary-cli cli cli-text \">\n<p>In fact, if your relationship is in a bad place, introducing non-monogamy is probably only going to make matters worse, Yau said.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"primary-cli cli cli-text \">\n<p>\u201cBecause non-monogamy requires quite a lot of security and confidence and trust in your partner in order to engage with it in a sustainable and healthy way,\u201d she said. \u201cA relationship that is on its way towards ending anyway is probably not going to be the best fit for that.\u201d<\/p>\n<div class=\"primary-cli cli cli-text \">\n<p>Monogamous people may also assume that non-monogamous people are just inherently less jealous, which\u00a0<a class=\" js-entry-link cet-internal-link\" role=\"link\" href=\"https:\/\/www.huffpost.com\/entry\/what-is-compersion-strengthen-relationships_l_64aee1c6e4b07252cc15b600\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" data-vars-item-name=\"isn\u2019t necessarily true\" data-vars-item-type=\"text\" data-vars-unit-name=\"64e91200e4b07541e76f6012\" data-vars-unit-type=\"buzz_body\" data-vars-target-content-id=\"https:\/\/www.huffpost.com\/entry\/what-is-compersion-strengthen-relationships_l_64aee1c6e4b07252cc15b600\" data-vars-target-content-type=\"buzz\" data-vars-type=\"web_internal_link\" data-vars-subunit-name=\"article_body\" data-vars-subunit-type=\"component\" data-vars-position-in-subunit=\"15\">isn\u2019t necessarily true<\/a>.<\/p><div class=\"ad ad-container visible-xs-block\" style=\"height: 330px !important;\">\n    <div class=\"ad-label alt-text alt-pos-above\"><\/div>\n\t<div id=\"div-gpt-ad-mob_prem10plus_mid-15\" class=\"DFPAdSlot\"><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"ad ad-container hidden-xs offset\" style=\"height: 680px !important;width: 300px !important;\">\n    <div class=\"ad-label\"><\/div>\n\t<div id=\"div-gpt-ad-dt_btf_inarticle10plus-16\" class=\"DFPAdSlot\"><\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"primary-cli cli cli-text \">\n<p>\u201cNon-monogamous folks are still human,\u201d Zane said. \u201cWe still get jealous. We just \u2014 hopefully \u2014 address it better. Instead of lashing out at our partners, we admit that we\u2019re feeling jealous and insecure, attempt to figure out the root of the jealousy and work together to find a solution.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"primary-cli cli cli-text \">\n<p>There also tends to be this assumption that at least one person in a non-monogamous relationship is being pushed into it against their will.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"primary-cli cli cli-text \">\n<p>\u201cMeaning, one partner would prefer to be monogamous but \u2018can\u2019t get their partner to commit to them,\u2019\u201d Stroh said. \u201cOf course, these things are true sometimes for people who claim they are polyamorous, but it\u2019s often not the case.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"primary-cli cli cli-text \">\n<p>This perception that one partner is being dragged into it and crying themselves to sleep every night is \u201creally unfair,\u201d Yau said.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cIt portrays non-monogamous people as being selfish or toxic or abusive when we\u2019re not interested in dating monogamous people, for the most part,\u201d Yau said. \u201cWe want other people who fully accept and validate us and our desires.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><em>This article originally appeared on <a href=\"https:\/\/www.huffpost.com\/entry\/what-is-non-monogamy-people-get-wrong_l_64e91200e4b07541e76f6012\">www.huffpost.com.<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div id=\"bnm-poll-modal\" class=\"modal\"><div class=\"modal-content\"><span class=\"modal-close\">&times;<\/span><\/div><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>You might assume non-monogamy is synonymous with cheating. But that&#8217;s just not the case.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":85,"featured_media":61772,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_oasis_is_in_workflow":0,"_oasis_original":0,"_oasis_task_priority":"2normal","fbia_status":""},"categories":[15661],"tags":[4],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v17.9 (Yoast SEO v17.9) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>What Non-Monogamy Actually is (and isn\u2019t), According to Non-Monogamous People - FamilyToday<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"You might assume non-monogamy is synonymous with cheating. But that&#039;s just not the case.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.familytoday.com\/relationships\/what-non-monogamy-actually-is-and-isnt-according-to-non-monogamous-people\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"What Non-Monogamy Actually is (and isn\u2019t), According to Non-Monogamous People\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"You might assume non-monogamy is synonymous with cheating. 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