{"id":38367,"date":"2019-11-25T11:59:36","date_gmt":"2019-11-25T16:59:36","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.familytoday.com\/?p=38367"},"modified":"2020-02-20T19:37:47","modified_gmt":"2020-02-21T00:37:47","slug":"creating-a-home-with-a-growth-mindset","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.familytoday.com\/family\/creating-a-home-with-a-growth-mindset\/","title":{"rendered":"Creating a Home with a Growth Mindset"},"content":{"rendered":"

Maybe you should stop telling your children that they are smart. Let me explain:<\/span><\/p>\n

Growing up as twins, my sister Sydney and I were compared from the moment we entered this world. This process was natural, since we looked alike. Who was the funnier one? Who was the taller one? Who was more outgoing? I never really gave these comparisons much thought until my mother periodically began to introduce Sydney as \u201cthe one who was incredibly creative\u201d and myself as \u201cthe one who will perform medical miracles\u201d because Sydney had shown an interest in art and I had shown interest in math and science. These high compliments from my mother eventually labeled my sister as the \u201ccreative twin\u201d and me as the \u201csmart twin.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>

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Although those labels were intended to help us recognize our strengths, I began to notice a trend in my high school and early college years that was troubling. I found that I had become obsessed with earning not only good grades, but better grades than Sydney. If Sydney scored higher than me on an assignment, even a <\/span>single point higher<\/span><\/i>, I felt somehow threatened. I began to realize that I had let the label become more than a differentiator. It was now an identity. Being smart was <\/span>my thing<\/span><\/i>.<\/span><\/p>\n

A Fixed Mindset and Limited Identity<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Later down the road, while attending a highly acclaimed university where it seemed that everyone was the top of their class, I very quickly realized that I was not even remotely the smartest person in the room. But if I wasn\u2019t the person who received an \u201cA\u201d on every assignment, who was I?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I had developed a fixed mindset. I falsely had come to believe that being smart was the only trait I had.<\/span> At that point, I did not value being a hard worker, being a problem solver, or having the ability to see issues from multiple perspectives because those qualities were not emphasized in the language spoken to me by my parents or teachers.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>

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I found that unwittingly during the formative years, adults can place labels on children, attaching a \u201csuper identity\u201d to them. When an individual has a fixed mindset, they believe that they either have an ability, such as being athletic, artistic, or outgoing, or they don\u2019t. It mostly comes naturally with little or no effort. Examples of common phrases that lead to the development of a fixed mindset include: \u201cYou are so beautiful!\u201d or \u201cYou are great at math!\u201d or \u201cYou are such an incredible artist.\u201d Although these statements aren\u2019t necessarily negative, they are teaching the recipient that simply being a certain way (beautiful, good at math, or artistic\u2014or being smart, in my case) is what is earning their praise.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

These identities then, have not been discovered naturally by their child through their experiences, but sometimes have rather unwittingly become an unwritten expectation from a parent or teacher.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

What is a Growth Mindset?<\/strong><\/h2>\n

In building a strong family culture, we need to intentionally promote a <\/span>growth mindset<\/span><\/a> in our children, recognizing progress and growth in the many skill areas they are developing.<\/span> \u00a0 Stanford researcher, Carol Dweck, a pioneer in this area of research, has found that those who have a growth mindset believe that they can develop and strengthen any ability through hard work. They also believe they can learn from their failures. And this belief empowers them to face difficult tasks with optimism and readily bounce back from disappointments.<\/span><\/p>

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Parents and teachers who foster growth mindsets are focused more on encouraging emerging abilities than labeling an identity. They do this by using phrases such as, \u201cI noticed you worked really hard on this project. What did you learn?\u201d or \u201cWhy do you think that solution didn\u2019t work?\u201d or \u201cWhat can we do next time that might work better?\u201d This discussion with its natural optimism about the possibilities of growth in another\u2019s abilities fosters a sense of <\/span>growth<\/span><\/a> in our children and youth.<\/span> In fact, those youth who believe that their abilities can be altered through personal hard work are more likely to have higher sense of grit and show more persistence in the face of new challenges.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

As parents becoming engaged with their children\u2019s learning process in this way, they can facilitate and guide children, knowing when to lend more help and when to step back. And when the child is more engaged and mindful of what they\u2019re doing, they can better develop their self-regulation and executive functioning skills\u2013\u201cbehaviors that allow the child to ultimately assume responsibility for their well-being.\u201d<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>

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Praise the Process<\/strong><\/h2>\n

In short, we need to be praising the <\/span>process<\/span><\/i>, not so much the perceived intelligence or talent. When we as educators, leaders, and parents praise a child\u2019s effort, strategies, and improvement, we are teaching them to be resilient and to have this valuable <\/span>growth mindset.<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n

Adults who care deeply for children have this unique opportunity to speak in ways that promote growth mindsets and create a healthier outlook. Since what you say will likely stick, focus on process and growth rather than using the language of labels and comparison. Your children will thank you for it. <\/span><\/p>\n

×<\/span><\/div><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In building a strong family culture, we need to intentionally promote a growth mindset in our children, recognizing progress and…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":24,"featured_media":38004,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_oasis_is_in_workflow":0,"_oasis_original":0,"_oasis_task_priority":"","fbia_status":""},"categories":[626],"tags":[34,7,253,179,7971],"yoast_head":"\nCreating a Home with a Growth Mindset - FamilyToday<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"BYU Family Life student Lisa Dixon explains the importance of the creating a home with a growth mindset.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.familytoday.com\/family\/creating-a-home-with-a-growth-mindset\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Creating a Home with a Growth Mindset\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"BYU Family Life student Lisa Dixon explains the importance of the creating a home with a growth mindset.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.familytoday.com\/family\/creating-a-home-with-a-growth-mindset\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"FamilyToday\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2019-11-25T16:59:36+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2020-02-21T00:37:47+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/wp-media.familytoday.com\/2019\/10\/shutterstock_735070651-550x390.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"550\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"390\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Kinmundo\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Organization\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.familytoday.com\/#organization\",\"name\":\"BN Media, LLC\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.familytoday.com\/\",\"sameAs\":[\"https:\/\/www.pinterest.com\/famtoday\"],\"logo\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.familytoday.com\/#logo\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/wp-media.familytoday.com\/2020\/03\/bnmedia-logo-lg.png\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/wp-media.familytoday.com\/2020\/03\/bnmedia-logo-lg.png\",\"width\":1315,\"height\":311,\"caption\":\"BN Media, LLC\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.familytoday.com\/#logo\"}},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.familytoday.com\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.familytoday.com\/\",\"name\":\"FamilyToday\",\"description\":\"Here today, better tomorrow.\",\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.familytoday.com\/#organization\"},\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/www.familytoday.com\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.familytoday.com\/family\/creating-a-home-with-a-growth-mindset\/#primaryimage\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/wp-media.familytoday.com\/2019\/10\/shutterstock_735070651.jpg\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/wp-media.familytoday.com\/2019\/10\/shutterstock_735070651.jpg\",\"width\":6928,\"height\":4912,\"caption\":\"Shutterstock.com\"},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.familytoday.com\/family\/creating-a-home-with-a-growth-mindset\/#webpage\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.familytoday.com\/family\/creating-a-home-with-a-growth-mindset\/\",\"name\":\"Creating a Home with a Growth Mindset - 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